Ronald Levinson is a final-year PharmD candidate at the University of Florida College of Pharmacy, Gainesville, and is the 2022–2023 APhA–ASP Speaker of the House.
Student pharmacists are constantly encouraged to strive for perfection. It’s an intrinsic desire to be the best, nail every interview, and have things go our way 100% of the time. But sometimes, no matter how hard we try, it’s not good enough.
I’m no stranger to being a perfectionist. I was always the kid who would get upset when I got one question wrong on a test or be irrationally angry when I wasn’t immediately good at something new. You can even ask my roommates about my breakdown when I didn’t like the dinner I made for them (they actually liked it, but that wasn’t good enough for me). As long as I can remember, I was always afraid to fail.
Failure is a tough pill to swallow. You put yourself out there at your most vulnerable and are told “no.” Your ego gets bruised, and your self-esteem can plummet. Maybe there’s a bit of embarrassment in there, too; you’re self-conscious when you don’t get that job you wanted, or when you get ghosted by your Tinder date when you’re already at the dang restaurant (definitely not speaking from experience).
Looking back, it’s easy to understand why I had always been so hard on myself. Since being diagnosed with clinical depression almost 10 years ago, I’ve had to unlearn a lot of the negative reactions I had toward failing, and it’s still a process. I’m happy to be in a place now where, while not perfect, I can practice self-compassion and give myself the grace to fail and move forward.
Healing and growing from your failings
That’s all well and good, but what’s a soon-to-be-pharmacist to do? I’m in no way an expert and I’m surely not going to have a fool-proof solution to embrace and grow from failing. But there are some valuable lessons I’ve learned throughout the years to keep myself grounded and confident in myself.
- Feel your feelings. It’s normal to feel embarrassed, shameful, or angry for failing. It’s uncomfortable and natural to want to escape those feelings. But allowing yourself to feel bad is helpful. Sit in your feelings and acknowledge them.
- Face your fears. I’ve spent so much of my life afraid of failing that I would do anything to avoid it. Practice stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new things that you might not be great at doing. You’ll see that failure isn’t all that bad.
- Therapy, therapy, therapy! I can’t emphasize how much I’ve learned about myself through seeing a therapist. This has helped me develop healthy coping mechanisms and reframe my perspective on failing. If it is something you can afford/devote time to, I highly recommend it.
As you set out into the working world after graduation, there are going to be times you fail. That’s okay. Be thrilled about the successes that you’ve had. Be grateful for the losses. I know I am.